No Judgement
Folding the crisp white sheets down over the comforter revealing an embroidered edge I look up at my client pleased with my perfection, "You pull the sheets to the top of the bed and put the comforter on top," she says with a frown.
My client is 93 years old and has made her bed this way since her mother taught her and in her world this is how EVERYONE makes their bed. She doesn't realize that in "my world" as a home support worker EVERYONE makes their bed differently.
A few people start their day with the same routine as Jane, while some turn down the sheet as I had just done, others roll the whole comforter to the bottom of the bed to air out, a handful have no sheet at all and believe it or not some people don't even make their beds.
Supporting people in their homes I have learned that there are many ways to make a bed and even more ways to live ones life. This lesson is reinforced on my daily walk home from work.
Each day I choose a different route to my final destination of home. Today I choose to walk along the False Creek sea wall, yesterday I balanced my way on the railroad tracks, and last week I wove in and out of the city streets. I am reminded that there are so many possible ways to live ones life each with the same final destination.
Supporting others in their homes is a good fit for my personality but at first I had an attitude that I could improve peoples lives or fix their environments. I learned over the years that I could not fix I could only support people where they were.
This job taught me that support is nonjudgmental. Everyone has their life and a way of doing things. It is my job to adapt my behaviour so they can be supported exactly the way they need and want. It isn’t about enforcing my will or agenda on someone else. No one needs fixing, everyone has the right to choose how they live. Most people view support as “you do things my way and I will support you”. Just think when you are going to give someone $1000 of your hard earned money. How would you like them to spend it? How many strings have you attached with this money? Most people when they give support want their morals and ethics aligned with the person they are giving the money. They want control. Even when there is no money exchange they demand their support to be in alliance with their own lifestyle. Co-workers of mine supported individuals who where unable to use their limbs. The mandate was that they were just their clients hands and feet. The support they gave could not push their own moral judgement. So if the person they were supporting decides to eat hamburgers and fries every night for dinner they made the hamburgers and fries. If the client decided to phone a prostitute in for the evening they dialled the number. This model of support is the epitome of non-judgemental support.
I have been fortunate to have many people support me in my life, now I surround myself with people where I can be fully me and people can choose to support me or not. I am learning more and more to love myself exactly the way I am with all my flaws. As a result I am feeling much less judgemental of other's. I realize when people are judging me it is because they may be having a hard time accepting themselves and it has nothing to do with me.
Imposing my lifestyle on someone else is a lesson my occupation has taught me is infertile. Now that I support people as they create a new future for themselves, my mission is to support individuals exactly where they are with no judgement. I find it very interesting to see the many different ways that people can choose the direction of their lives.
Next lesson:
Changing my lifestyle has a lot to do with how worthy I feel of the new path. My next blog "I am not worthy" talks about worthiness.
My client is 93 years old and has made her bed this way since her mother taught her and in her world this is how EVERYONE makes their bed. She doesn't realize that in "my world" as a home support worker EVERYONE makes their bed differently.
A few people start their day with the same routine as Jane, while some turn down the sheet as I had just done, others roll the whole comforter to the bottom of the bed to air out, a handful have no sheet at all and believe it or not some people don't even make their beds.
Supporting people in their homes I have learned that there are many ways to make a bed and even more ways to live ones life. This lesson is reinforced on my daily walk home from work.
 |
| A different route each day |
Each day I choose a different route to my final destination of home. Today I choose to walk along the False Creek sea wall, yesterday I balanced my way on the railroad tracks, and last week I wove in and out of the city streets. I am reminded that there are so many possible ways to live ones life each with the same final destination.
Supporting others in their homes is a good fit for my personality but at first I had an attitude that I could improve peoples lives or fix their environments. I learned over the years that I could not fix I could only support people where they were.
This job taught me that support is nonjudgmental. Everyone has their life and a way of doing things. It is my job to adapt my behaviour so they can be supported exactly the way they need and want. It isn’t about enforcing my will or agenda on someone else. No one needs fixing, everyone has the right to choose how they live. Most people view support as “you do things my way and I will support you”. Just think when you are going to give someone $1000 of your hard earned money. How would you like them to spend it? How many strings have you attached with this money? Most people when they give support want their morals and ethics aligned with the person they are giving the money. They want control. Even when there is no money exchange they demand their support to be in alliance with their own lifestyle. Co-workers of mine supported individuals who where unable to use their limbs. The mandate was that they were just their clients hands and feet. The support they gave could not push their own moral judgement. So if the person they were supporting decides to eat hamburgers and fries every night for dinner they made the hamburgers and fries. If the client decided to phone a prostitute in for the evening they dialled the number. This model of support is the epitome of non-judgemental support.
I have been fortunate to have many people support me in my life, now I surround myself with people where I can be fully me and people can choose to support me or not. I am learning more and more to love myself exactly the way I am with all my flaws. As a result I am feeling much less judgemental of other's. I realize when people are judging me it is because they may be having a hard time accepting themselves and it has nothing to do with me.
Imposing my lifestyle on someone else is a lesson my occupation has taught me is infertile. Now that I support people as they create a new future for themselves, my mission is to support individuals exactly where they are with no judgement. I find it very interesting to see the many different ways that people can choose the direction of their lives.
Next lesson:
Changing my lifestyle has a lot to do with how worthy I feel of the new path. My next blog "I am not worthy" talks about worthiness.
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