I Had a Discussion With Fear And Logic
Kits Pool Looks So Lonely Empty |
No Lifeguard Needed |
Plunking my butt on the bench feeling deflated, I resign myself to simply looking at the ocean. "I really wanted to go for a swim in Kits Pool this morning!!" I said to the seagull on the metal railing in front of me. I missed my opportunity to go swimming opening day Saturday as I had forgotten my bathing suit at my friends house. I thought the pool opened today at 9:00 but since it is a holiday it isn't opened until 12:00 noon.
My gaze surveys the calm waters and a voice of reason comes into my head. "How much do you want to go for a swim? There's a whole ocean in front of you!" I hate this voice! This practical logical voice that gives me no room for excuses. Why does logic have to be right all the time? I can't argue so I grab my things and head to the closest log that will hold my clothes.
Standing by the waters edge in my bathing suit feels comfortable with the warm breeze and morning sun caressing my body but as my toes enter the salt water the goosebumps travel up my legs warning me. "This is crazy! You don't need to do this! There is no one pushing you in these frigid waters, other than that rational weirdo in your brain asking silly questions like, 'How much do you want to go for a swim?' Well if you ask me, you don't want to go this badly"
"It can't be that bad" I say to myself and slowly inch my way in until I am up to my knees. Counting down from 10 for the 6th time I dive head first into the freezing cold ocean and instantly feel alive, so alive! My body feels the intensity of the ocean water on every exposed skin cell. "This is freezing friggen' cold! But I have done it, I am in the water and this is worth it because this simple gesture of resilience proves I am fully living and I didn't stop with, 'oh shoot the pool is closed'. I am proud of myself for listening to logic and taking advantage of my options to do the exact same thing in a different way."
Currently some doors in my life are closing and as I look out at the options I hear that voice of logic asking me, "How much do you want this?" How much do you want to be a published author and a life coach. What direction do you really want to take in your life? Logic reminds me that I am really good at working hard for other people but fear worries I won't be good at working for myself? For every whisper of support from logic I feel fear pulling me back. Fear doesn't have to say much as it is just holds me in place for dear life, not loosening its grip in the slightest.
Logic explains to fear that it will be ok, things will work out. We are prepared, we have done the work and know what we are doing. Death, dying and grief are a subject we are all very passionate about. We are good at supporting people through the hardships of life change. Talking about death and grief are easy for us, we have broken emotions down into manageable steps so others can create a new future for themselves. Don't worry fear even you helped us, as you have described to us fully exactly how it feels to fear death and even you couldn't stop it no matter how scared you got. Charlene is an expert at this, just watch. Let her go, let her show you what is possible. She will gently guide and support people to a new fulfilling future after they have experienced the loss of people they love dearly. Even you fear want people to lead quality lives. That is our goal to help others lead fulfilling lives. Don't worry, everything will be alright.
Logic explains to fear that it will be ok, things will work out. We are prepared, we have done the work and know what we are doing. Death, dying and grief are a subject we are all very passionate about. We are good at supporting people through the hardships of life change. Talking about death and grief are easy for us, we have broken emotions down into manageable steps so others can create a new future for themselves. Don't worry fear even you helped us, as you have described to us fully exactly how it feels to fear death and even you couldn't stop it no matter how scared you got. Charlene is an expert at this, just watch. Let her go, let her show you what is possible. She will gently guide and support people to a new fulfilling future after they have experienced the loss of people they love dearly. Even you fear want people to lead quality lives. That is our goal to help others lead fulfilling lives. Don't worry, everything will be alright.
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