My Story

Currently right this minute we are all living "our story". Each of "our stories" has a past, an undetermined future and always a present. It is in these present moments we react, giving more life to our evolving story that is leading us into a future.  Some of the stories we live free us to live more fully, giving us wings to fly.  Other stories embed us in a quick drying concrete floor making it impossible to move. We live many different stories simultaneously moving from one story to the next depending on; the people or environments we surround ourselves with, the thoughts that we let circulate in our brain, and/or the state of our body.

Currently in my life I am living the story of a daughter, an aunt, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend, an adventurer, an author, a supporter, a Canadian, a story teller, a writer, an entrepreneur, a female, a coach and others. Within each story there is a plethora of other stories, an example of this would be my story of being a friend. Each individual story I have, with each individual friend, has its own story. It is within telling all my varied stories that my life has wings. When I learn to put words to my stories whether the stories feel negative or positive, I am able to move forward into new and exciting adventures. I will explain how words work like this in the future, so follow my blog or follow me on Facebook to make sure we stay connected.

I will tell you a bit of the story and the path that has lead me to helping people through grief and loss.  I will tell my story of being a life coach. 

• I have a habit of walking. As long as I can remember, when life got overwhelming for me I went for a walk. I think this began at a young age because my biggest confidant and friend in my childhood was my dog.  Snoopy would walk with me in silence as I worked through a problem I was having in my early years. 
• I have a habit of writing. I was given a little pink and white diary with a lock and key and loved writing in it. I sure wish I still had that diary and could read the thoughts of my 10 year old self. If I couldn't say something to someone I would write it down, putting my emotions to words. My journals changed and have evolved but they are my constant friend and companion. 
• Higher Education. With my love of sport and helping people the career I chose to get educated in was Therapeutic Recreation.  This is using recreation and leisure to enrich peoples lives.  We learned to use exercise, arts and crafts and games to improve peoples quality of living.  My education lead me to working with people with an assortment of disabilities, in day programs and in their homes.  This lead me to doing home support, specializing in palliative care.
• Palliative care. I was fortunate in our family as death is not something that I was taught to fear but instead a reward for a life well lived. One of my favourite verses from a teenager that really spoke to me was Ecclesiastes 7:2 It is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take it to heart. There is nothing better for reminding me to grasp onto life and live it fully then when I am perpetually holding the hand of someone who is dying. Coming face to face with my destiny everyday gives me permission to live my life fully and love the life I have while I am alive. 
• My husband died. After my husbands death I decided to walk the Camino an 800 km pilgrimage to figure out the direction of my future.  This adventure lead me down a path I never would have imagined. When I came home I wrote about my external and internal journey which evolved into a book, "Walking Away From A Life I Love."  My early habits of walking and writing helped move me from a place of grief, anger and depression to a place of love, acceptance and hope. 
  
• My first boyfriend and first best friend died. After the sudden loss of my first boyfriend and soon after the death of my first best friend due to cancer I walked the country roads of my island home to come to terms with their deaths.  They were not a part of my daily life but their death shook the foundation of my life and stirred up and brought to the surface my teenage self.  To help recover I wrote a book and a screenplay based on my life growing up in Langley entitled, "Marking the Years".
• My cousin died at 26.  Two and a half years after my husband's death my cousin Amy died.  She was a constant confident in my life and we had many heart felt conversations about the mean of life and death.  Her bravery and acceptance pushed so many people to feel and experience the pure love that she had for life.  My cousin motivated others to write.  Seeing other people write about  their  experience of Amy's illness, her recovery,  hope,  disappointment, resignation, Amy's death, love, acceptance, grief, joy, celebration, faith, and hope gave me comfort and acceptance when faced with the reality of Amy's early departure from living in her body.
• Pivotal realization. Going through these losses by walking and writing I realized that it released the under current of pain that I felt due to the loss of these significant people. I no longer felt a hole in my life as the words filled the space with love.  When I would think of these people or someone would bring them up, there wasn't a stabbing pain in my heart.  I was not getting triggered and sent to a place where I had no control of my emotions.  Working through my loss with words I was able to stop feeling like a victim of my life and instead see the reality as a mystery I am not able to solve, even with the hardest situations. My brain has a bad habit of obsessing but when I can put into words, I am no longer able to obsess but instead become resolved with the inevitable. 
• Examining the triggers. Since I became more aware of when I was triggered and what was sending me downwards emotionally I became aware that the places I was getting triggered were from my past not my current life situation. When I was younger I placed my daughter for adoption and carried on with my life like nothing happened. Coincidentally I moved to within blocks of where this decision was made. I walked the streets daily reliving and healing my past. As I walked I wrote 2 screenplays, "Child of Oz" and "The Verses". 
• Getting support. Since I finished writing 2 books, one fiction and one nonfiction and 3 screenplays I was directed to a writing coach who confirmed that with some reworking and editing I have some marketable products.  I joined a writers group where we all encourage each other to improve our writing skills.  Also I continue to get emotional support whenever I need it through my friends or a support group that I joined.
• Life goes on and I continue to walk and write. My life happens everyday. I am an emotional being so I continue to get happy, sad, feel angry, overwhelmed, excited and disappointed but through it all I come to terms with my current problems by putting on my walking shoes, contemplating my issues and then putting them to words so I can move forward embracing life. 
• Compiling my work into a practice. My job continued to be support and palliative care, through this I have shared my practice and witnessed how it has helped others work through grief, loss and change.  

1. My book, "Walking Away From A Life I Love" is on the route to get published.  
2. I   walk with people one on one and in groups as they work through grief.  
3. To help support people anywhere I developed an on-line program where people wanting to reinvent themselves can go through my process on their own.  The Walking Way is an on-line program where you work through your loss, transition or change by being a pilgrim in your own life, right where you live.  To make the process easier you are given prompts and examples to help write your own stories to free yourself from loss and pain.  Through walking and writing you release yourself into an adventurous future filled with new ups and downs instead of reliving the same experience again and again. 

Another of my favourite passages is also from Ecclesiastes.  3:1-8 For everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the sun: A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; 

I believe that there was a time in my life for grieving but as I was able to work through it, now it is time for living life to the fullest and I hope to help other people get on this path of adventure.  I am not a fortune teller but one thing I know for sure is that I will die and until then, I am going to keep living life to the fullest.

This verse inspired the song Turn, Turn Turn by The Byrds, this is one of the songs I want to be played at my memorial.  I hope there will be people who will mourn me by telling the stories that we experienced together. My wish is the words they write will help them move forward into a new and happy future and only feel love for me when I am no longer in my physical body.